"And we laugh like soft, mad children,
smug in the wooly cotton brains of infancy
the music and voices are all around us."
i wake up
i tie my shoes
the day is no one's but mine
(tomorrow i slave away)
a contradiction?
i lie, telling myself:
"there. is. no. other. way."
where to go from here?
is this what i will be?
my roots surely don't grow weaker in time
do i want this?
do i want you?
do you want me?
i'm broken, you know
im breaking you
i'm broken but healing
i'm sick of feeling pain associated to absolutely nothing
i'm tired of being trapped in every possible way
tell me i'm not trapped
i'm never trapped
i make my own choices
i wouldn't take a single one back
the colors make me feel at home
the colors keep me sane
the pills help, i've been told
though i prefer to imagine its the colors & freedom
they say i can choose happiness.
[easier said than done]
what is happiness?
comfort? maybe
love? possible
money? it helps
freedom? yes.
a bit of all of the above, i'm sure
i need change
change makes me feel new
new and clean
less broken
change is happiness
i'll move here and there
with or without you and yours
some are easier days to bare than others
in retrospect however
there is no day much different than the one before
a zombie
with uncontrollable thoughts
happiness?
...who knows...
Hi Savvy. Thanks for this glimpse into your soul. A couple thoughts I had...
ReplyDeleteThere is always a distance between now and then, between here and there, between how it is and how it could be. It's the nature of things. So, feed your dreams of then, there and could be's while you savor the now, here and how it is's.
But, be aware that dreams will always cause you to feel, and those feelings will push and pull you from within to make the dreams real.
The trick is to enjoy each moment, each step, each choice along the journey from now to then, from here to there, from how it is to how it will be.
May you always see the brilliant beauty in now.
Lots of love,
Uncle Bob