Saturday, January 15, 2011

over load

my brain has been left alone for too long. brain overload. emotion overload. life overload.

OH-VER-LOH-DED

i want to run so far away, but i never again want to leave the comfort of my home
i need to scream, but i have a headache. and screaming never solves anything, i've learned.
(plus my throat hurts)
i'm tired, but i'm always tired. maybe its a subconscious longing for my dreams?
what are my dreams? i have my dreams. i have my boy. i have my dreams. 
i'm glad i finally have my dreams.

i want to cry still - but i can't. i took a pill.
its nice to be restrained from crying sometimes. i do it too often lately.

life is getting better. work is more free. i don't feel trapped there. [breath]
i feel comfort there. my work is my family. i hurt when they hurt. that's fucking ridiculous.
its a health clinic. let it go. i can't. when i eventually feel the bond, it breaks my heart to let it go.
i feel safe there. thanks work. i hope it stays this way.

i need my intermediate family more. they are my family. my siblings are my babies. i want to watch them grow. i love being with any one of them. i want them to some see me more. they'll love my t.v. i promise guys, its huge and cool. we have fun games. i want one of the kids to live with me someday, if their life track brings them here. oh boy, do i ever love my family. my dad is the best dad/man/whatever. i respect him so much for what he's done for our family. go dad. i love you so much. and my mom is my best friend - i love that. thanks mom.

life. sometimes it gets better. thanks blog.


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