i wish i were

ironically one of my favorite quotes from my mother. 
this is how it goes:
me: "hi mom"
mom: "i wish i were"
AMAZING! right? i love my mom more than anything.


back on track: i wish i were....a cartoon. or had a cartoon soul.
or had no soul. either of the above three choices would do.


its not a complaint. life has been good to me lately. In fact, 
i'm on the way home from a cruise with my boy. we had a fabulous time.


cartoons seem to have a beautiful way of not caring. because it doesn't matter.
they are cartoons. people can shut off their TVs & computers -
suddenly they no longer exist. (some scientists would argue, i'm sure)
would it not be rather favorable to be able to turn ones "soul" or "self" off?
just for an hour or two? maybe weeks at a time. 


meditation is your answer - i know. that's not what i'm talking about. 
i'm talking about the complete non-existence of one, or one's feelings.
your new answer - sleep.


not for me. some people hold their stress in their muscles - such as shoulders & neck. 
i hold my stress in my sleep.
without the assistance of medication, i lie awake imagining an opposite life.


maybe - sometimes its just an escape. an escape is what you need. buuuuut, if a 3-night cruise
to the bahamas is not an escape, i have no idea what is. suggestions?

i wish i could escape. i wish i had a cartoon soul.

because then i wouldn't care & and you wouldn't care that i didn't care.